Mountain Morons

Two more idiots have been rescued after snowboarding out of bounds on Cypress Mountain. Their excuse was they “were just attracted to the snow”. I wonder how attracted they are to dying in the cold?

Perhaps it’s time we left these morons to their own devices if they refuse to stay on the designated slopes and insist on venturing into dangerous territory. Perhaps after a handful of these twits got lost and died on the mountain the others might smarten up and stop wasting the resources of police and rescue personnel who risk their own lives to save their sorry asses.

The two masked idiots flanking a red-jacketed rescuer in the above photo called emergency services at 3:40pm after snowboarding about a kilometre down a gully. “We were cold and we were scared,” said David, who wouldn’t reveal his last name. I’m guessing, based on his day’s exploits, that he probably forgot his own last name. It took seventeen North Shore Search and Rescue members and a RCMP helicopter to get these morons safely back to civilization. Brian and Daniel also reported hearing voices farther down a creek from the location where they were rescued but searchers determined they had heard one of the three rescue groups sent to save them. Brian and Daniel don’t sound like they’re labouring under the weight of intelligence.

If we must save idiots like Brian and Daniel I suggest charging them for helicopters, equipment, hourly wages for rescuers and any other expenses directly related to their obvious stupidity, garnisheeing wages or placing liens on homes to recover costs. Or perhaps we could just leave them where they are and let them find their own way out. Personally, I prefer the second option.