For whom the road tolls

pay_tollTranslink and the esteemed Mayor of Vancouver think it’s time to start tolling our roads and bridges to create a new revenue stream for future abuse and mishandling. Great idea guys but I’d like to offer a few tolling alternatives of my own:

  • Flatulence Toll – Every time some joker farts in the elevator or any other public place he/she should pay an ass toll
  • Comb-over Toll – Every guy that insists on culturing a length of hair that ‘covers’ a bald head should pay a toll based on length, width and greasiness
  • Cell Phone Toll – Every clown that talks on his/her phone in restaurants, buses, trains or any other place that annoys everyone else should be charged based on volume of voice and length of call
  • Politician Toll – Every politician that crafts new and sleazy ways to tax the long suffering citizens of this province should be tolled every time they open their mouths
  • Scofflaw Toll – How about a toll for every doofus that refuses to pay fares on our transit system. I think a third of his/her annual income for each and every infraction would be fair, huh?
  • Road Work Toll – This toll would be paid to DRIVERS every time a city work crew starts ripping up the streets during rush hour. It doesn’t do much for Translink but it sure would be profitable for the rest of us.
  • Olympic Toll – Every time a VANOC representative tells us how great the Olympics are and how lucky we are to pay taxes to host the event, he/she should pay a toll based on how much it annoys the crap out of the people that are bearing the financial weight of this nightmare

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