A New Crop of Assholes

There’s been a sizable crop of contenders for the Asshole of the Week award and I’ve yet to see such a deserving group of recipients. These folks run the gamut from murderers to politicians (what’s new) to a police chief to spoiled Asian kids. These are just four of the people that make our day-to-day lives miserable at times and contribute to our feelings of despair and hopelessness. They piss us off and make us want to smash something into tiny pieces with a huge fucking hammer. Overly dramatic? Sure. But what do we do…depend on our pathetic legal system to do sort it all out? Read on…

ONE: It was reported today that Sasan Ansari, the douche that stabbed his friend 33 times outside the Hollyburn Country Club five years ago will return to law school at the University of B.C. this month while out on day parole. Can you believe this asshole will be a lawyer? Uh…let me rephrase that. Can you believe that lawyers would want to associate with this piece of shit? Hmmmm…still not working. Perhaps it makes more sense than I originally thought.

But the bottom line is that this lowlife will actually attend law school at UBC after serving only 2 years in jail before being let out on day parole in January of this year. Are you pissed that he only did 2 years for stabbing his friend to death or pissed that UBC allows the bottom-feeder to attend law school? I’m pissed that the family of his victim received a letter from a scholarship donor, Govin Roopra, who said he had been “staggered” to discover Ansari had been awarded his $1,000 scholarship – while awaiting trial for the killing. Un-fucking-believable.

TWO: What do you get when you put a group of spoiled, dick-headed Asian kids with high-end exotic cars on highway 99 during rush hour? A high-speed race of course. These scumbags decided to race the shiny cars their wealthy offshore parents purchased for them down the highway at speeds up to 200 kmh. (That’s 125 mph for those still doing the conversion in their heads.) According to The Province:

The convoy included one Ferrari 599, three Lamborghini Gallardos, two Maserati Turismos, two Mercedes SLs, three Nissan GTRs, one Audi and one Aston Marton. Witnesses reported that the group tried to clear normal highway traffic to create a raceway: Two vehicles would travel slowly side by side blocking the lanes in order to clear the lanes ahead so the other drivers could race ahed of them.

And what’s even more staggering is that six of these pricks only had their “N,” or new-driver class licence. One of the drivers was a female and had a previous charge related to street racing, as did several of the other dickhead drivers.

Typically and in no way suprising is the fact that the RCMP impounded the vehicles for only seven days, charged each driver with driving without due consideration, and fined each of them a paltry $196. That’s less that the cost of a replacement indicator bulb in any one of these high-end cars. I suggest forfeiting their cars, taking their licenses for life and, if any are not Canadian citizens, deporting their speedy little asses out of the country.

THREE: After much fanfare and media attention, The Vancouver Police launched their dopey riot 2011 website in the hopes of nabbing those naughty rioters for doing those bad things to our city. These clowns are still collecting pictures and video of rioters like Elvis memorabilia, lovingly placing each in a felt lined box and placing them under Chief Chu’s bed for safe keeping. But the question remains “When in the hell are you going to finally lay a charge or two against the numerous and highly documented pricks that ripped our town a new one?” Does it really take months to admit that little Johnny may have accidentally thrown a brick through the window of a department store while in the throes of riot fever? It’s been said many times in the past month but why the fuck did British police start arresting people the night of the first riot and continue until they had grabbed as many miscreants as they could identify while Vancouver continues it’s ‘investigation’. The British police continued their ‘investigation’ by kicking in a few doors and dragging the scumbags out of their homes and into prison. So what does our Vancouver police department do for the citizens of this city? They piss around, wringing their hands and telling us that we need to be patient and wait until they have collected enough evidence to start passing out littering tickets.
Pathetic is an understatement!

FOUR: Our unelected Premier finally announced that there will not, as we had all hoped, be a fall election in this province. We’ll have to wait until 2013 to throw the present group of imbeciles out of power and shuffle the next group of imbeciles into power for another party’s term of incompetence. Do I sound a bit jaded? Well I can only suggest you review the Liberal and NDP track record in this province and list the stupid, underhanded, slimy, possibly illegal shenanigans they’ve been up to over the last years. Try it yourself. Take out a piece of paper and list the bungling in point form starting with the fast ferry fiasco, add BC Rail and round it off with the HST shitstorm. You’ll see why my head is in my hands as I weep. Where’s Doug Henning’s Natural Law Party of Canada when you need them?

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