Pop music officially entered the ‘complete shit‘ phase of it’s existence with the recent appearance of The Black Eyed Peas on the American Idol Gives Back broadcast. Don’t believe me? Take a gander at the video below but be sure to have a small bucket handy while you watch this piece of visual and aural excrement.
The Black Eyed Peas also appear on the cover of the April 29 edition of Rolling Stone magazine with the tagline Black Eyed Peas – The Science Of Global Pop Domination. THIS is what it takes to dominate pop music in the 21st century? Bad costumes à la Earth Wind & Fire during their metallic spandex period and off-key, teeth-gritting vocals? Ridiculous and utterly goofy. But at least Earth Wind & Fire could write a decent tune and sing it to boot! Collectively, the Black Eyed Peas are sub-par performers, their music is shit and none of them, including their front woman and sexpot Fergie, can hold a tune if their lives depended on it. And speaking of Fergie…lady, you’re too damn old to be wearing your mother’s old tiger-print swimsuit and those hose-bag, thigh length boots. A profile camera shot of your fashion nonsense lead to the regurgitation and expulsion of my chicken dinner.
So this is what our children and their children will retain in their collective memories as the musical background to their young lives? They’ll be 50+ years old and stuck listening to Jay-Z, Lady GaGa and the other nausea inducing and talentless music acts, force-fed and promoted by MuchMusic, MTV and the remaining terrestrial radio stations. I pity them as they’re all missing out on a better soundtrack for their childhood memories.
I watched Lady GaGa on Saturday Night Live last year and thought her musical performance was being played for laughs. I was wrong. She tapped out a lame tune on the piano and sang while wearing what can only be described as her tribute to the molecule. Large, rotating rings surrounded her as she attempted to first sit at a piano then play a sub-standard rendition of her studio-enhanced ‘hit’. Even though her song was deadly serious and performed in earnest I laughed out loud as she tried to reach her microphone and the piano keys through the goofy metal rings that surrounded her. Don’t these clowns bother to test drive this crap before a performance?
Then there’s rap music. I don’t really have to explain why rap music is shit, do I? Good. Thanks for that.
So how does this garbage get to the top of radio and video airplay when there’s much better music available? God knows but I can only advise those looking for something better to try artists like Paolo Nutini, OSI, Aqualung, Kate Nash, Broken Bells, Andrew Bird or the amazing Fiona Apple.
And for some classic tunes I suggest Queen‘s first three albums, Jellyfish, Tears For Fears, Pink Floyd or even The Doobie Brothers. I can guarantee any of this music will satisfy your need for quality aural satisfaction and purge all the top 40 muck that’s collected in your brain stem over the past ten years. Especially The Black Eyed Peas and Jay-Z. That stuff just sucks. Really. It sucks. Just ask your parents.
Listen to the vocals in the Black Eyed Peas video below and revel in it’s utter insalubrity